Will I Ever Be Enough?

I have been on a journey of self-discovery and growth for over 15 years. The first book I ever read was “The Secret” which was recommended to me by my mentor, and after reading that, I was fixed on a pursuit of personal growth.

Year on year I have invested in coaching, therapy, training courses, books, podcasts, almost anything and everything to “better” myself.

The most interesting part of personal growth is how much it can lead you down a path. You unearth something about yourself, a blind spot and before you know it there is something else you are now consciously aware of. Another area, insecurity, self-doubt, fear, or limiting belief is uncovered and it’s onto how and where that might be creating a sticking point in life.

The BIGGEST area I wrestle with, at least on a weekly basis is the concept of “feeling good enough”.

Have you ever felt this?

Do you feel enough in yourself right now?

If you were being honest, have you achieved enough in your life?

Are you comfortable looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling good enough with what you see?

In my years as a coach, 15 years in the health and fitness industry, and now 3 years as a professional coach, this is by far one of the biggest challenges I see most Men and Women struggle with.

The concept of being and feeling enough…JUST AS THEY ARE!!

I hear many people say; “Yeah I’ll feel like I am enough when…”

When I’ve lost 2 stone, When I have made my first million, When I have reached the level of success, When I look and feel leaner…Then I can be enough.

But how bizzarre is this, Just think about it for a moment. We create a fantasy of some elusive time in the future when we will feel good enough, or worthy enough, or even accepted when we have “ACHIEVED” something that we believe will fill that gap in us.

It is my belief that this won’t work!

If we can’t feel enough now or that we have enough TODAY, then we won’t feel that once we have achieved what we “believe” is the missing piece. This is the illusion!

I know this because of the hundreds and hundreds of people I trained as a PT. It didn’t matter how much weight they lost, or how healthy they became, it was never enough for them.

I know this for myself because it didn’t matter how much money I made in business, how fit I was in the gym, or how healthy I looked, I never truly felt like I was good enough. I always wanted more. I always felt I could be better.

There’s also all the guys I coach now, who when I start working with them, often never feel good enough or worthy, and it doesn’t matter how much money they make, their level of status, they just don’t feel complete, happy or fulfilled when I start working with them.

If you were to ask yourself the question; “Am I enough just as I am today?”

What would you’re answer be?

HOWEVER…

…What about if we still want to accomplish more in life, business, health isn’t that a good thing?

Absolutely, having the drive and ambition for MORE in life is a human desire, and I’m not saying turn that down. Aspiring to create new success, experiences and more growth is very powerful in life.

HOWEVER – It’s not about getting more stuff to make you feel like more of a person.

Because the very notion of trying to make more money, to buy bigger homes and more cars, to create more success so you feel more liked, accepted and respected by others is INSANITY.

Look, if you feel this way I’m not trying to pull you down or you’re belief system. This is an internal battle I face. It consumes me at times, this is part of the work I do with my coach so I can continue to feel like I am enough just as I am.

There are times when this flares up, I look at myself and my body and feel fat, out of shape, crippled by my internal insecurity around how I see myself. Wishing I was leaner, wishing I was a little more muscular.

Also, the extension to this is, at times not feeling good enough as a coach, not trusting myself. Being stuck in self-doubt. If I don’t feel like I am enough, then how can I trust myself fully! These 2 areas work in conjunction with one another.

These are my blind spots that I figured out with my coach. I talk, she listens and we work on creating the awareness and insight I want to continually get better with this, to tackle it sooner when it raises its head. To feel like I am enough and that I matter just as I am. THEN as I continually grow as a person and continue to create more success, financial rewards, and fulfillment in life, it comes from the right place, not something to fill a self-worth gap.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way

What’s interesting is I have never met a client of mine who doesn’t have the drive, who doesn’t have ambition, who doesn’t have a burning desire to create more in their life…And I love this, it’s so powerful and I love coaching them towards this.

However, what is also very interesting is I haven’t coached many people where their need for more isn’t a direct link to their self-worth.

A person can NEVER be truly happy, fulfilled, and content when their self-worth is liked to their NEED to accomplish more. So this is the cycle to transform, new awareness to create, and a new sense of what is truly important to them.

As I work on this, so do my clients.

I’ll leave you with this from Ryan Holidays Book – Stillness Is The key.

What do we want more of in life? That’s the question. It’s not more accomplishments, it’s not popularity. It’s the moments when we feel like we are enough.

The more we seek is; more presence, more clarity, more insight, more truth, more stillness.

Why don’t we show up in the WORLD?

During lockdown I have done some soul searching, I guess the time away from the busyness, hustle and chaos of a modern, self created life has gave me much needed space for reflection.

I say soul searching because I felt I needed to reconnect with my WHY.

I don’t mean a superficial ‘why’ that gets branded around by some marketers, I mean my REAL purpose and philosophy behind why I do what I do, why I live the way I live, what defines me as a Man, my beliefs and values.

Have you ever experienced any of the following:

  • You’re struggling to clearly define your purpose or have a deeper connection to what you want to do with your life, business or future?

 

  • Maybe know your purpose but get easily lost and distracted by others and what other people of influence say. You find yourself chasing other leaders but you never catch up, continually feeling unfulfilled or feeling not enough. Eventually you look back and feel like you’ve lost a sense of you and your direction?

 

  • Maybe you’re struggling to get to your goals because you’re dealing with so much stress, mental chaos, challenges at home and you spend most days firefighting.

 

  • Or maybe you just can’t make traction with what you’re doing, everything feels like a hard slog and you’re getting burned out on your current path.

 

I have lived all of those at various times.

If you do struggle or feel challenged around the above, I’m going to show you how to move from this!

The reason I wanted to connect more deeply into my philosophy now was I felt I was continuing to look outside of myself, look at what everyone else was doing and I had started to copy, follow and become distracted by them (not their intention) but I was lacking my own intention.

So my Marketing Message didn’t feel congruent, my programs/services weren’t fully complete and other things felt a little disjointed.

So I went back to the basics, WHY I wanted to become a coach in the first place.

I reconnected with this message:

“I want to coach Men to show up in the world as the very best version of themselves”

What does this even mean?

I spent years of my childhood and youth hiding, been quiet and shy, feeling like I couldn’t stand up and be who I was. This seeped into my early business years and I felt like I had to wear a mask (a metaphorical one) this was so I could play a role that made me look more confidence, strong, in control…In reality I had no idea who I was.

For many years I wasn’t able to connect with my authentic self, to be able to accept myself for who I am, and then in return show up as myself. This often resulted in me feeling lost, unsure and unfulfilled with most of the choices I made in business and life.

I find so many Men struggle with self acceptance and self worth.

Worrying about what other people think of them, worrying about judgement, fear, failure, criticism and worst of all, they never feel enough.

So often these Men actually pull themselves down with negative self talk and the continuous cycle of self defeating thoughts.

One of the most powerful things I personally worked on was increasing my Self Worth. This is something that is vastly underrated in my opinion.

Now I coach Men to lean into who they are and this enables them to show up in the world as the most impactful and influential selves.

They start showing up in the Core 4 areas of life (Body, Mind, Home and Business) and this results in them creating MORE Fulfilment, Fun, Freedom and Financial Success.

This differs from client to client, but ultimately they desire a certain amount of Fulfillment, Fun, Freedom and Financial success and this aligns with their biggest over arching goal, So I work with them to achieve what thye desire most.

BUT, for this to EVEN happen they have to start ‘Showing Up’

I connect with this because that’s the transformation I went through and that’s why I share and aim to inspire other men through coaching conversations to do similar on their journey.

 

The second part of my philosophy is:

“As the very best version of themselves”

To achieve or create more in life we don’t have to be more than we are, but we do have to show up as all that we are.

So coaching Men to step into being all they are capable of is the intention because in that space there is very little they can’t do.

Take a moment and recall a time when you were on fire, when you were in that state of “flow”, How did you feel? What were you doing? What did you accomplish, create?

That state is self created and in that state you are in your potential and able to create magic!

So my coaching helps Men get into that place DAILY.

Most of the time we are fire fighting, dealing with mental chaos, dealing with high stress, anxiety, we are feeling overwhelmed and then on top of that we can struggle with fatigue, burn out, arguments and challenges at home and this just loads on top of us.

How the hell does someone in that place create a life they love to live on purpose?

They don’t!

But they can when they show up as all that they are,

They better manage or remove stress, remove anxiety, increase mental clarity, focus, increase energy, productivity and they re-gain control.

When you are HERE in that space, that’s when dreams are created, purpose is discovered and lives are transformed.

So for you,

What parts of your life are you NOT showing up in?

What results are you experiencing right now because you aren’t showing up?

What would change if you started showing up as the best version of you?

Sharing this message is what lights me up,

So thank you for reading it

David

PS:

If what I’m saying is resonating with you, then I’m personally inviting you to have a conversation with me, around your goals and what you want to create or what challenge you want to move past in your world, click the link to find out how – https://davidwilkinsonperformance.com/work-with-me/

Overcoming ANY Self Doubts, Fears and Judgements

Self doubt, fear of failure and worrying about judgement from others is the real bermuda triangle that once most people enter too deeply, they rarely come out the other side!

Any of those has the ability to cripple our dreams, ambitions or inspiration in a heartbeat.

The amount of conversations I have with Men about why they are struggling to reach their goals or what’s potentially stopping them even starting, is often because they feel challenged by one of more of the below:

1) Self doubt and feeling they lack confidence in themselves, lacking in their self worth and question whether they are enough or good enough.

2) Fear of failure and looking like a failure to others, what will people think or say?

3) And lastly they worry about judgement or criticism from others such as; Partners, family, friends, peers, social media followers etc, What will people think or say if I do this?

 

Have you ever said or felt anything similar to the above?

 

If you have, here’s the big dilemma…

 

You’re probably in a conflict with yourself.

 

Conflict between showing up in the world more impactfully to follow and create your life’s dreams…

And struggling with one or more of the limiting beliefs you have created around why you CAN’T do that.

So you end up feeling STUCK between these two places and unable to move!

 

I know this feeling all to well.

In 2018 after I qualified as a professional coach, I had the ambition, I had the qualifications and I had a powerful message I wanted to share with the world, But I was in conflict with my own self doubt and fear.

 

I would repeatedly say to myself;

“Who the hell am I to coach other people on areas such as life and business, what do I know?”

“Who will listen to me anyway, I’m too young”.

“What will people think about me doing this, they’re probably going to laugh about me behind my back?”

These words going over and over in my head constantly causing me to procrastinate, feel stuck and then become increasing frustrated because I wasn’t moving forward.

 

So what’s the solution?

 

Well in all honesty there isn’t a short cut. There’s no, do X,Y and Z and heypresto you’re fixed,

But…

YOU can start creating awareness around your OWN thoughts and limiting beliefs.

 

When I’m coaching my clients they are able to breakthrough their mental barriers because of impactful and powerful coaching conversations.

The reason this works is because I listen to them, listen to what they’re really saying and I help them gain perspective on the situation via powerful questioning.

If you scroll back up slightly and re-read the thoughts I had in my head as to “why” I couldn’t build a coaching business, you’ll notice that I am asking myself questions.

The problem is the type of questions I’m asking myself are poor quality and because I keep asking these same “types” of questions I continue to get the same self defeating answers,

And this is what happens to all of us.

 

We continue to ask ourselves poor quality, self defeating questions and we get the same response, resulting in us staying STUCK.

 

If you struggle with self defeating thoughts, self doubt, limiting beliefs or fears then one way to get beyond this is to create the space to listen to what you are saying and asking yourself.

Writing it down is very important.

Then gain some perspective on WHY you think this way, is there any truth to what you are saying?

The minute we get the thoughts out of our head is when we can actually gain perspective on them and in many ways, challenge them.

 

THEN…You can ask yourself world class questions such as:

  • Who am I if I’m being everything I am fully capable of being?
  • Why did I start this, what is my true intention?
  • Given the situation (fear, doubt) what am I going to create?

 

These are just a starting point to start you on a path of reframing the questions you ask yourself.

 

My bigger purpose is to help men show up in the world as the very best version of themselves…

 

And for me to live out that, I had to start showing up for myself. This started by challenging my self defeating thoughts and ideas I had about myself and got factual perspective on everything with the help of a coach.

 

If you are stuck right now or disheartened in your pursuit of success and it’s down to the thoughts and ideas you tell yourself, Then start with the above questions or message me direct for deeper support.

Thank you for reading

David

 

PS:

If you have a go at asking yourself those questions, let me know how you get on with them, I’d love to know.