Self doubt, fear of failure and worrying about judgement from others is the real bermuda triangle that once most people enter too deeply, they rarely come out the other side!
Any of those has the ability to cripple our dreams, ambitions or inspiration in a heartbeat.
The amount of conversations I have with Men about why they are struggling to reach their goals or what’s potentially stopping them even starting, is often because they feel challenged by one of more of the below:
1) Self doubt and feeling they lack confidence in themselves, lacking in their self worth and question whether they are enough or good enough.
2) Fear of failure and looking like a failure to others, what will people think or say?
3) And lastly they worry about judgement or criticism from others such as; Partners, family, friends, peers, social media followers etc, What will people think or say if I do this?
Have you ever said or felt anything similar to the above?
If you have, here’s the big dilemma…
You’re probably in a conflict with yourself.
Conflict between showing up in the world more impactfully to follow and create your life’s dreams…
And struggling with one or more of the limiting beliefs you have created around why you CAN’T do that.
So you end up feeling STUCK between these two places and unable to move!
I know this feeling all to well.
In 2018 after I qualified as a professional coach, I had the ambition, I had the qualifications and I had a powerful message I wanted to share with the world, But I was in conflict with my own self doubt and fear.
I would repeatedly say to myself;
“Who the hell am I to coach other people on areas such as life and business, what do I know?”
“Who will listen to me anyway, I’m too young”.
“What will people think about me doing this, they’re probably going to laugh about me behind my back?”
These words going over and over in my head constantly causing me to procrastinate, feel stuck and then become increasing frustrated because I wasn’t moving forward.
So what’s the solution?
Well in all honesty there isn’t a short cut. There’s no, do X,Y and Z and heypresto you’re fixed,
YOU can start creating awareness around your OWN thoughts and limiting beliefs.
When I’m coaching my clients they are able to breakthrough their mental barriers because of impactful and powerful coaching conversations.
The reason this works is because I listen to them, listen to what they’re really saying and I help them gain perspective on the situation via powerful questioning.
If you scroll back up slightly and re-read the thoughts I had in my head as to “why” I couldn’t build a coaching business, you’ll notice that I am asking myself questions.
The problem is the type of questions I’m asking myself are poor quality and because I keep asking these same “types” of questions I continue to get the same self defeating answers,
And this is what happens to all of us.
We continue to ask ourselves poor quality, self defeating questions and we get the same response, resulting in us staying STUCK.
If you struggle with self defeating thoughts, self doubt, limiting beliefs or fears then one way to get beyond this is to create the space to listen to what you are saying and asking yourself.
Writing it down is very important.
Then gain some perspective on WHY you think this way, is there any truth to what you are saying?
The minute we get the thoughts out of our head is when we can actually gain perspective on them and in many ways, challenge them.
THEN…You can ask yourself world class questions such as:
- Who am I if I’m being everything I am fully capable of being?
- Why did I start this, what is my true intention?
- Given the situation (fear, doubt) what am I going to create?
These are just a starting point to start you on a path of reframing the questions you ask yourself.
My bigger purpose is to help men show up in the world as the very best version of themselves…
And for me to live out that, I had to start showing up for myself. This started by challenging my self defeating thoughts and ideas I had about myself and got factual perspective on everything with the help of a coach.
If you are stuck right now or disheartened in your pursuit of success and it’s down to the thoughts and ideas you tell yourself, Then start with the above questions or message me direct for deeper support.
Thank you for reading
If you have a go at asking yourself those questions, let me know how you get on with them, I’d love to know.