Are You Being Your BEST, TRUE Self?

In life can you honestly say you are being your best, true self? By this I mean are you being honest with who you are, confident to live as you, And always be yourself no matter the situation?

Do you have the confidence to be yourself and present that to the outside world?

At school and college I was always shy and really lacked the confidence to be myself, share my truth or put myself out there. Looking back I feared rejection so I kept myself down, hid away and didn’t share my real self unless it was with people I trusted.

This got me thinking, How many people other people are hiding themselves away or diming their light because they lack the confidence to ‘just’ be themselves at work, in business, socially, or even at home?

Or they adjust their personality to suit various situations or people? I’ve done this as well. Shown different sides of myself to certain people so they might accept me.

The reality is you can and should always be your True, Real and Authentic self and by doing so you’ll always bring the BEST version of yourself to each part of your life.

If people are unable or unwilling to accept the true you, well then I’d say **** them. Be YOU and find those people who accept you for who you are.

However the POWER in my opinion is you have to accept YOURSELF first. Hiding your true self away will only cause you pain and keep your light dim.

So how do you gain the confidence to be yourself, put yourself out there and be the best version of yourself? 

1) Accept who you currently are.

Learn who you are, what you are about and your values as a person. Discover yourself both your good and bad sides (we all have them).

Then accept yourself. Self acceptance goes a hell of a long way in boosting self belief and understanding your true value. Sure you’ll have to accept the ‘not so good’ parts of you, but if those parts hinder you…Then look at No.2.

2) Change, Adapt or Advance what doesn’t fit for you. 

If there’s a part of your personality that doesn’t fit your life and causes you pain…Work on changing it. Don’t be a arse **** and just accept it.

Adjusting our behaviour/s is essentially what we must do to develop as people. So it’s just a case of changing negative, damaging, disempowering behaviours with more positives ones. I won’t BS, this is tough, however over time with the right support, you can do this.

3) Know your worth

Know your true worth and value in all parts of life. Know what you bring to the world and honor that. Honor your gifts, personality, value and shine your light on the world around you.

4) Practise.

It sounds simple but just practise being you. Go to places and groups where you don’t know anyone and be you. Put yourself out there without fear of judgement or the need to be accepted. Then once you have confidence here, be you with those closest to you, those people can often be the toughest for us to be ourselves around.

5) Focus on something else. 

When you feel the fear of being your true self, or putting yourself out there, focus on something else. Be interested in other people, ask them questions and focus on getting to know them.

Direct your attention somewhere else and be curious of others and that will help you relax.

6) Repeat all the above and keep pushing to be you.

It’s not easy and it may take you a long time, but it’s worth it because the alternative is always you keeping you down, hiden, trapped and not valuing yourself…

Probably the worst thing you can do to yourself mentally is not valuing who you REALLY are.

 

David

PS: I’ll be launching a series of MasterMind coaching events soon just for guys. 

Focusing on helping men to level up their mind and body to reach their truest potential.

The best way to think of your potential in my opinion is;

“You know that you are capable of doing and being much more in this world…But right now you feel like you’re being held back or not confident to go ahead and become that person. Your potential and all you are capable of is being subdued”. 

My one day events will help you lay the foundations to overcome your adversities, overcome challenges you face and step up to being all you can be.

PPS: If you’re a guy, head to the link below and get notified first about the event. PLUS get my Man-Unleashed Daily Guide to super charge your Fitness, Focus, Finance and Fulfilment. 

https://mailchi.mp/49b84add0c9a/man-unleashed

What The Hell is Personal Development

What the hell is Personal Development and why should you care?

Personal development for me is about growing and enhancing a person’s self awareness, capabilities, skills, behaviours and self confidence to uncover and unleash someone’s full potential.

It’s helping a person get past their limiting beliefs or self doubts and in truth it’s about getting MORE out of yourself so you can DO, BE and ACHIEVE all you are in any area of Life, Business, Career and Body.

In short personal development is about growing as a person in one area of life or all areas. However I believe for the BEST results its about levelling up in every area.

What I teach my clients is that their goal is off in the future, a bigger ‘thing’ they are trying to reach or accomplish. So compared to their goal they are smaller, further away and currently NOT ready to achieve it, Because if they could…They would have already.

It’s like taking on their own mountain but having to learn to climb first to reach the top.

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Knowing where you are right now is about establishing reality and current positioning, any coach that BS a client at this point isn’t helping them, they are hindering them. Knowing where you are, warts and all is essential.

So personal development is what bridges the gap between where you are right now and the goal you desire.

It’s centred around growing as a person in mind, body, skill, capabilities and confidence so you can conquer that goal. It’s you levelling up and becoming more as an individual…So now you are capable of attaining and owning your goal.

 

Without self development we wouldn’t have laid the foundations to reach our goal or hold on to it.

Any worthwhile goal is achieved this way, hence why personal development is critical.

I base my coaching around developing people and helping them get more out of themselves…More than they ever thought possible so they can set goals, increase their capabilities and then own the sh*t out of their goals.


The Process

My approach is based on 3 critical steps to show a person how to develop towards their goal/s:

  1. Clarity

  2. Confidence

  3. Performance


Clarity

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This is about gaining clarity around who you are and what you want. This for me is essential and was one area of life I was really stuck in. I just couldn’t get clear on who I was or what I wanted.

Often this is the part people miss and they design their wants by what others around them have or do. They basis their requirements off what they ‘think’ they should do or have and worse still what society or social media dems to be right.

This is making people feel more lost, isolated and frustrated than ever before.

By doing some deep self discovery work you can understand YOU, who you are and what life you want to experience everyday. In all honesty your career, business, income, home, relationships and lifestyle are behind this in order of clarity.

This part is about you and knowing what turns you on, what makes you tick and what inspires you. Everything else is there to enable this to happen.

Clarity is very difficult to achieve on your own because it requires you being asked great questions by a coach that can help you think deeper and really question yourself.


Confidence

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Another essential piece to the puzzle because a lack of self belief is the number ONE reason most people don’t achieve their goals or start in the first place.

A limiting belief, fear, doubt or insecurity is holding more people back from going after what they truly want than any other barrier.

So building self confidence, awareness and emotional intelligence is huge. A big part of my coaching is build around becoming self assured in who you are and what you are capable of. This is much more than just reciting positive talk. It’s about practising self confidence and knowing you.

Yes confidence is practised. I will have you look at any area of your life right now you feel confident and comfortable in. May be its work, or a hobbie..

Now ask yourself how long have you been doing that for? What makes you confident at it? How many hours have you put into it?

Confidence is partly about discovering yourself. Partly about doing something over and over to get better at it, and…Well you’ll have to become a client to find out the rest 🙂

Once you build self esteem you’ll be unstoppable.


Performance

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The final piece to the personal development system is performance.

Increasing your performance is essential because you can not become all you can be with the same habits, mindset, behaviours and actions you use now, Think about that.

There will be certain behaviours and habits you have right now that help you and you’ll be able to move forward with. However some are hindering you and you’ll need to ditch them or maybe you can re-shape them into better habits.

Increasing performance is all about optimising how you Think, Act, Behave, Eat, Move, Sleep and Produce to enhance you as a person. Giving you greater energy, clarity, focus, production and awareness…And reducing stress, overwhelm, fatigue, burn out and procrastination.

Once you have the clarity and the confidence, NEXT you require the high performance habits that will get you doing what you want to do every day to get you to your objectives.

I coach my clients how to enhance what they do so they can set out each day fully equipped to take it on.


What Next?

So the goal or objective you have set for yourself will become achievable once you can do the above 3 steps, Add into the mix; Strategic planning, breaking down limiting beliefs, accountability and daily action steps and you have yourself one hell of a system.

Are you frustrated because you’re struggling to gain clarity around your next career or business move?

Do you struggle with self confidence when it comes to making certain decision or actions?

Are you an ambitious person but feel lost or like you’ve reached a ceiling and not sure what to do next?

Would you like to become a more effective business owner or leader to reach a higher level of income and success?

Do you want to reduce stress and self doubt WHILST gaining balance in your Life, Body and Business for more fulfilment, value and success?

If so, then I am here to help!

If you are a corporate professional or business owner I will take you through a personally tailored program that meets your needs.

No more living or playing the game of life at an average level…It’s time to become all you can be.

I will work with you 1-1 for 3-12 months to help you get more out of yourself personally and professionally than you ever thought possible.

If you are interested in what I offer and would like to speak further, then message  at wilkinsondj@hotmail.co.uk or contact me via LinkedIn HERE

 

How to Become MORE Confident in Yourself…

What comes to mind when you think of confidence? 

What’s that ‘thing’ you keep putting off doing or starting because you believe you lack confidence to do it? 

Do you just wish you had more self belief in yourself? 

When I think of confidence I’m always reminded of my lack of it during my teenage years. At school, college and my early working career I can honestly say I was shy. Sure I had friends, But I lacked serious confidence in myself when it came to meeting people, putting myself out there, meeting girls and pushing myself for jobs.

A massive turning point came when I was 20 and I was going on a lads holiday, I was working full time in a leisure club but the wages were poor. So I needed an extra income.

So I went down the job centre…Yeah that’s how we use to find jobs back in the day lol.

And I found a job as an assistant instructor helping teaching boxing circuit training but it was in South Shields, I lived in Durham about 45minute away drive. But the pay was ok so I though ‘what the hell’ give it a go.

I called the guy up (Harry) and he said; “Come through, take a look and see what you think of the sessions and we’ll take it from there”.

I turned up first night to take a look and there we’re over 100 people in the session…No joke. I was crapping myself. Harry told me he wanted someone to help him coach and was I interested?

All honestly I was bricking it and almost pulled out, but I needed the money and I needed to get my confidence up as a coach.

So I took that leap and did it. Within 6 weeks I was coaching the sessions, standing in front of 100 people teaching boxing and circuits.

Within 6 months I had taken over from Harry and topped out with a class of 130 people in it.

So how did I go from being a shy guy lacking self confidence…To instructing 130 people?

PRACTISE. Read that again! 

The truth is we lack confidence in the things we aren’t practised in, what we lack experience and preparation in.

Take for example; Many people are unconfident in public speaking…Why?

Because they haven’t practised it, they haven’t done enough of it.

Come back and tell me you aren’t confident at something that you’ve done for 50,100, 1000 hours.

You won’t.

The MORE you do something the more confident you become at it.

Repetition breeds confidence. 

So here’s my 3 step advice to building self confidence, and building it is the key. You start off small and keep growing it by doing the ‘right’ things that protect yourself self confidence…Then increase it.

1) Take action.

We only feel anxious about something we are thinking about, something that’s just sat on our minds. However if we move, take action, just do something we can no longer feel anxious…THIS IS TRUTH.

Anxiety will leave you as soon as you do something on that ‘thing’…However small your action is.

I called Harry up, I travelled through to South Shields, I helped clients in the session on an individual level. I built up small, I then took small parts of the session until I could take a full session.

These we’re all built up action steps from the first step which was as small as…Going to the job centre. I took action.

Take action and do it small. The smaller the better at the start (only in this case 🙂 )

Just look at the smallest step you can take TODAY that gets you moving forward. You don’t need to move mountains at the start, but you do need to start.

2) Practise, Repeat and Practise some more.

‘Practise doesn’t make perfect but practise DOES make permanent’ and that’s the habit you need. By doing something again and again you’ll remove that fear. In fact you’ll get so good at something that yo\’ll probably end up loving it.

Trust me you can not fear something you have done 100, 1000, 10,000 hours worth of. And even if you do, it’ll be so habitual to you that you’ll just soldier through regardless.

The more you practise something the more natural it will feel.

 
3) Still struggling with confidence?

Hire a Performance Coach like myself to help you overcome this.

Working with a coach to support you in moving forward towards the goals you desire.

Building the business, body, lifestyle, relationships and happiness you want can be 100% achieved by you, however the process can be simpler, less stressful and more clear with the support of a coach.

A coach can help you work through you’re barriers and limiting beliefs. If you want to move ahead in your life you WILL need to acquire more self belief in YOU. This can be done by working on it.

Affirmations and telling yourself to ‘Be more confident’ or ‘I am a confident person’ work work because theirs NO action to back them up. Habits, routines and a change in your a state of mind is what’s needed.

 

Trust me, I’m no more special that you are, and if I can do it then so can you.

That one small step I took now allows me to do the same in every other area of life.

Do I still lack confidence?

Of cause I do from time to time. I can still lack self belief in myself.

However I know that if I follow the above 3 steps I’ll get past it. These habits last a lifetime and once YOU have them then they’ll continue to serve you.

 

Alpha Dave.

What Do You Do If You Don’t Have Time?

You say you don’t have time and struggle to find the time to work on your goals…

I say…BS.

I’m not going to beat around the bush here, I’m going straight into it.

You say you don’t have time to work on your goals…I say you’re not MAKING the time.

Let’s break down the ‘lack of time myth’:

– You have 168 hours per week…WE ALL HAVE THIS. Everyone from you, to Bill Gates and Serena Williams.

– Sleep for 50 of them (average 7hours per night)

– Work for 40 of them,

– Groom for 8 of them,

– Eat and drink for 10 of them…

So how are you spending the other 60 hours, or more specifically 8.5hours per day?

Let’s say you have other commitments, longer working hours, family, gym, commuting to work etc.

ALL that taken into account are you REALLY telling me you don’t have JUST 60 minutes spare per day to work on your dreams?

JUST 7hours per week MAX. 

If you read this and say “No I still don’t have time”. Then my advise to you is your goals aren’t enough for you because if you can’t carve out a little time to work on your dreams then your dreams aren’t for you.

That’s all it takes to get started, 60minutes per day to to work on your dream body, life, business, career or whatever your ambition is.

For most people to find 60minutes extra per day just need to stop mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram and they’ll find time.

Imagine if you just did 60minutes today on your goal, that’s an extra 60minutes you’ve spent on your goal today than you did yesterday. By doing this you are now at least ONE step closer to the outcome you want.

Everything in life in HOW you view it from your perspective. This is partly what MINDSET is.

Someone says; “I don’t have time”.

I say; “You’re not making time”. All because we are both looking at it from different angles.

Change the way you view things and this will transform how you spend those valuable minutes.

You’re either moving closer to your dreams or further away and this comes down to your value of time and how you use it.

Alpha Dave

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The Paralyzing Power of Feeling Overwhelmed.

The paralyzing power of feeling overwhelmed and the NEGATIVE affect it has on your life.

The scenario;

We start a new career path or business, or maybe a new training and dieting program and because we are excited and motivated our intention is to do as MUCH as we can.

We want to do it all now and strike whilst our motivation and energy is highest. We feel we can take on the world, We want to be at our end goal NOW…

But because of this do we actually end up biting off more than we can chew or taking on more than we can handle? 

We try so hard to do it ALL, that we end up doing nothing and become paralyzed with feeling overwhelmed.

For example:

We try to do everything on our new diet, following the plan 100%, buy all the recommend supplements, the healthy foods, cooking clean meals, avoiding social events, cutting back on alcohol, sugar etc.

However after a few weeks we realise that we just can’t keep this pace so we end up stopping. Or we adjust the diet to fit and end up doing less and less until we eventually go back to eating how we did before we started.

Let’s say the goal is to get in shape so we hit the gym 5-6 x per week, every week. Doing classes, HIIT training, cardio, weights, core work etc…We try and fit it all in but we get tired, burned out, we miss sessions and then get peed off. The more this happens the higher our chances are of stopping. We started out by doing more exercise than we can physically and mentally handle and the only way forward is to do less. The problem with doing ‘less’ is we can feel like we’re failing.

Maybe we start doing a sport and we try to progress quickly because we want to get good at it sooner rather than later. We try and develop the fitness, the strength, the skills and knowledge that go with the sport, But its a long process. We end up realising that their’s soooo much to it that we haven’t got time to fit it in. So we either continue to feel overwhelmed and underprepared in the sport, feeling like we aren’t good enough…Or we quit.

Maybe we start a new career or open a new business, we start doing everything, reading and learning everything. Going onto courses, building our skills, marketing, getting new clients, networking, branding, tax returns., accounts, sales, employment, trying to get ahead, putting more hours in…The list goes on.

We dive in the deep end and try and swim. We try and keep pace but realise that we are doing everything, and none of it to the standard needed to create a successful business or a flying career. We realise we can’t keep this pace so we feel stressed, burned out, anxious. We start to procrastinate on tasks, decisions, things don’t move forward as quickly as we’d like. So we start to panic, get frustrated and stress ourselves out.

We’re not growing the business at the rate we want. We’re spending almost every waking minute consumed by the business/career. Over time we’ll spend year upon year driving everyone close to us away and all we’ll have is a business/job that you LIVE to work for, becoming a slave to it. And every waking day is just a series of stresses and overwhelm.

In most of these situations feeling OVERWHELMED is the core of it all. This sometimes can become so intense that we end up procrastinating. And this means we end up doing NOTHING…Which makes us feel MORE overwhelmed and stressed… So the cycle continues. 

Overwhelm

Why does this happen?

Because as humans and we already have a full plate in our lives. We’re already doing and juggling so much, especially in the modern world where we WANT to have it all.

HOWEVER we only have so much time, energy and mental space for so many things (Work, Family, Fitness, Fun, Sport, Eating, Sleeping, Social time, Down Time, Personal development)…especially if we want to have everything that life offers.

So what SHOULD we do?

“Swing Singles”.

The key is to take small BUT consistent swings at life, or put differently just take one step at a time…aka Swing Singles.

The aim is to do JUST ONE THING, OR TAKE THAT ONE STEP that moves you closer to your goal/s. And ONLY one thing until this becomes a permanent part of your daily routine

Then once we’ve done that we can focus on the next step WHILST continuing to do step 1.

For example:

+ If you want to improve your nutrition then change ONE eating habit. For example eat a healthy breakfast 6 days per week for 4 weeks. This ingrains the HABIT. Just do ONE thing. Leave everything else until you can consistently eat a healthy breakfast. Don’t worry about lunch, dinner, snacks etc. Don’t worry about gluten and sugar content right now. Just nail down 1 meal. Get that right first and THEN move on.

+ If you want to improve your fitness and you DON’T exercise right now, then start with doing 10minutes of exercise 3 x per week. If you do exercise then just increase what you do by 10%. So if you run 5miles 3 x per week then run 5.5miles. Avoid trying to add in 1-2 more sessions per week, or trying to go 5 x per week. You’re got to do things that are manageable. Start small then build up.

+ If you want to grow your business choose 1 AREA to work on and do this consistently for 4 weeks. If it’s sales that could be make 1 phone call to a perceptive client 5 days per week for 4 weeks. Then do 2 per day and so now. Ingrain the habit of ‘DOING’ into your schedule.

It sounds so simple…And it is in theory.

What makes this strategy work is YOUR doing something that will have a positive affect on the area of life you wish to improve. Doing something that is manageable and then ‘doing it’ over and over again (swinging singles) until it brings results.

Results aren’t achieved by hitting a ‘home run’ every once in a while or trying to keep hitting them over and over even when you keep missing. This one hit wonder mentality and trying to do it ALL in one go, is what’s leaving you feeling more overwhelmed because you continue to miss the long term results.

The key is to keep hitting that ball for a single. Then move to base one, then hit it for another single and you move to base 2 etc etc. I’m using a Baseball metaphor to describe Swing Singles…But I think it fits really well.

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Most people try this all or nothing approach. It’s all in at 100%. But then after 3-4 weeks or so motivation drops and every week they end up doing less, 90%, 80%, 70% etc. Until they end up doing ZERO…Sound familiar?

However when you swing singles the approach is to do 10% this week, then 20% next month, then 30% and so on. We continue to move forward and do MORE…Not do less.

Once you have that one habit ingrained into you and your DAILY routine for about a 28day time period…Then start the next habit, swing that next single. And repeat the process…This strategy works. 

Swing singles everyday and that is when the magic happens.
Remember you are human, your not a robot. You can’t keep doing more and more, you’ll burn out, get overwhelmed, stressed and frustrated…Then you’ll quit.

Flip this on its head, do less now. Start small and build upon these habits over time.

The art of swinging singles is the secret to LONG TERM success.

Alpha Dave