Overcoming ANY Self Doubts, Fears and Judgements

Self doubt, fear of failure and worrying about judgement from others is the real bermuda triangle that once most people enter too deeply, they rarely come out the other side!

Any of those has the ability to cripple our dreams, ambitions or inspiration in a heartbeat.

The amount of conversations I have with Men about why they are struggling to reach their goals or what’s potentially stopping them even starting, is often because they feel challenged by one of more of the below:

1) Self doubt and feeling they lack confidence in themselves, lacking in their self worth and question whether they are enough or good enough.

2) Fear of failure and looking like a failure to others, what will people think or say?

3) And lastly they worry about judgement or criticism from others such as; Partners, family, friends, peers, social media followers etc, What will people think or say if I do this?

 

Have you ever said or felt anything similar to the above?

 

If you have, here’s the big dilemma…

 

You’re probably in a conflict with yourself.

 

Conflict between showing up in the world more impactfully to follow and create your life’s dreams…

And struggling with one or more of the limiting beliefs you have created around why you CAN’T do that.

So you end up feeling STUCK between these two places and unable to move!

 

I know this feeling all to well.

In 2018 after I qualified as a professional coach, I had the ambition, I had the qualifications and I had a powerful message I wanted to share with the world, But I was in conflict with my own self doubt and fear.

 

I would repeatedly say to myself;

“Who the hell am I to coach other people on areas such as life and business, what do I know?”

“Who will listen to me anyway, I’m too young”.

“What will people think about me doing this, they’re probably going to laugh about me behind my back?”

These words going over and over in my head constantly causing me to procrastinate, feel stuck and then become increasing frustrated because I wasn’t moving forward.

 

So what’s the solution?

 

Well in all honesty there isn’t a short cut. There’s no, do X,Y and Z and heypresto you’re fixed,

But…

YOU can start creating awareness around your OWN thoughts and limiting beliefs.

 

When I’m coaching my clients they are able to breakthrough their mental barriers because of impactful and powerful coaching conversations.

The reason this works is because I listen to them, listen to what they’re really saying and I help them gain perspective on the situation via powerful questioning.

If you scroll back up slightly and re-read the thoughts I had in my head as to “why” I couldn’t build a coaching business, you’ll notice that I am asking myself questions.

The problem is the type of questions I’m asking myself are poor quality and because I keep asking these same “types” of questions I continue to get the same self defeating answers,

And this is what happens to all of us.

 

We continue to ask ourselves poor quality, self defeating questions and we get the same response, resulting in us staying STUCK.

 

If you struggle with self defeating thoughts, self doubt, limiting beliefs or fears then one way to get beyond this is to create the space to listen to what you are saying and asking yourself.

Writing it down is very important.

Then gain some perspective on WHY you think this way, is there any truth to what you are saying?

The minute we get the thoughts out of our head is when we can actually gain perspective on them and in many ways, challenge them.

 

THEN…You can ask yourself world class questions such as:

  • Who am I if I’m being everything I am fully capable of being?
  • Why did I start this, what is my true intention?
  • Given the situation (fear, doubt) what am I going to create?

 

These are just a starting point to start you on a path of reframing the questions you ask yourself.

 

My bigger purpose is to help men show up in the world as the very best version of themselves…

 

And for me to live out that, I had to start showing up for myself. This started by challenging my self defeating thoughts and ideas I had about myself and got factual perspective on everything with the help of a coach.

 

If you are stuck right now or disheartened in your pursuit of success and it’s down to the thoughts and ideas you tell yourself, Then start with the above questions or message me direct for deeper support.

Thank you for reading

David

 

PS:

If you have a go at asking yourself those questions, let me know how you get on with them, I’d love to know.

How to Become MORE Confident in Yourself…

What comes to mind when you think of confidence? 

What’s that ‘thing’ you keep putting off doing or starting because you believe you lack confidence to do it? 

Do you just wish you had more self belief in yourself? 

When I think of confidence I’m always reminded of my lack of it during my teenage years. At school, college and my early working career I can honestly say I was shy. Sure I had friends, But I lacked serious confidence in myself when it came to meeting people, putting myself out there, meeting girls and pushing myself for jobs.

A massive turning point came when I was 20 and I was going on a lads holiday, I was working full time in a leisure club but the wages were poor. So I needed an extra income.

So I went down the job centre…Yeah that’s how we use to find jobs back in the day lol.

And I found a job as an assistant instructor helping teaching boxing circuit training but it was in South Shields, I lived in Durham about 45minute away drive. But the pay was ok so I though ‘what the hell’ give it a go.

I called the guy up (Harry) and he said; “Come through, take a look and see what you think of the sessions and we’ll take it from there”.

I turned up first night to take a look and there we’re over 100 people in the session…No joke. I was crapping myself. Harry told me he wanted someone to help him coach and was I interested?

All honestly I was bricking it and almost pulled out, but I needed the money and I needed to get my confidence up as a coach.

So I took that leap and did it. Within 6 weeks I was coaching the sessions, standing in front of 100 people teaching boxing and circuits.

Within 6 months I had taken over from Harry and topped out with a class of 130 people in it.

So how did I go from being a shy guy lacking self confidence…To instructing 130 people?

PRACTISE. Read that again! 

The truth is we lack confidence in the things we aren’t practised in, what we lack experience and preparation in.

Take for example; Many people are unconfident in public speaking…Why?

Because they haven’t practised it, they haven’t done enough of it.

Come back and tell me you aren’t confident at something that you’ve done for 50,100, 1000 hours.

You won’t.

The MORE you do something the more confident you become at it.

Repetition breeds confidence. 

So here’s my 3 step advice to building self confidence, and building it is the key. You start off small and keep growing it by doing the ‘right’ things that protect yourself self confidence…Then increase it.

1) Take action.

We only feel anxious about something we are thinking about, something that’s just sat on our minds. However if we move, take action, just do something we can no longer feel anxious…THIS IS TRUTH.

Anxiety will leave you as soon as you do something on that ‘thing’…However small your action is.

I called Harry up, I travelled through to South Shields, I helped clients in the session on an individual level. I built up small, I then took small parts of the session until I could take a full session.

These we’re all built up action steps from the first step which was as small as…Going to the job centre. I took action.

Take action and do it small. The smaller the better at the start (only in this case 🙂 )

Just look at the smallest step you can take TODAY that gets you moving forward. You don’t need to move mountains at the start, but you do need to start.

2) Practise, Repeat and Practise some more.

‘Practise doesn’t make perfect but practise DOES make permanent’ and that’s the habit you need. By doing something again and again you’ll remove that fear. In fact you’ll get so good at something that yo\’ll probably end up loving it.

Trust me you can not fear something you have done 100, 1000, 10,000 hours worth of. And even if you do, it’ll be so habitual to you that you’ll just soldier through regardless.

The more you practise something the more natural it will feel.

 
3) Still struggling with confidence?

Hire a Performance Coach like myself to help you overcome this.

Working with a coach to support you in moving forward towards the goals you desire.

Building the business, body, lifestyle, relationships and happiness you want can be 100% achieved by you, however the process can be simpler, less stressful and more clear with the support of a coach.

A coach can help you work through you’re barriers and limiting beliefs. If you want to move ahead in your life you WILL need to acquire more self belief in YOU. This can be done by working on it.

Affirmations and telling yourself to ‘Be more confident’ or ‘I am a confident person’ work work because theirs NO action to back them up. Habits, routines and a change in your a state of mind is what’s needed.

 

Trust me, I’m no more special that you are, and if I can do it then so can you.

That one small step I took now allows me to do the same in every other area of life.

Do I still lack confidence?

Of cause I do from time to time. I can still lack self belief in myself.

However I know that if I follow the above 3 steps I’ll get past it. These habits last a lifetime and once YOU have them then they’ll continue to serve you.

 

Alpha Dave.

What Do You Do If You Don’t Have Time?

You say you don’t have time and struggle to find the time to work on your goals…

I say…BS.

I’m not going to beat around the bush here, I’m going straight into it.

You say you don’t have time to work on your goals…I say you’re not MAKING the time.

Let’s break down the ‘lack of time myth’:

– You have 168 hours per week…WE ALL HAVE THIS. Everyone from you, to Bill Gates and Serena Williams.

– Sleep for 50 of them (average 7hours per night)

– Work for 40 of them,

– Groom for 8 of them,

– Eat and drink for 10 of them…

So how are you spending the other 60 hours, or more specifically 8.5hours per day?

Let’s say you have other commitments, longer working hours, family, gym, commuting to work etc.

ALL that taken into account are you REALLY telling me you don’t have JUST 60 minutes spare per day to work on your dreams?

JUST 7hours per week MAX. 

If you read this and say “No I still don’t have time”. Then my advise to you is your goals aren’t enough for you because if you can’t carve out a little time to work on your dreams then your dreams aren’t for you.

That’s all it takes to get started, 60minutes per day to to work on your dream body, life, business, career or whatever your ambition is.

For most people to find 60minutes extra per day just need to stop mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram and they’ll find time.

Imagine if you just did 60minutes today on your goal, that’s an extra 60minutes you’ve spent on your goal today than you did yesterday. By doing this you are now at least ONE step closer to the outcome you want.

Everything in life in HOW you view it from your perspective. This is partly what MINDSET is.

Someone says; “I don’t have time”.

I say; “You’re not making time”. All because we are both looking at it from different angles.

Change the way you view things and this will transform how you spend those valuable minutes.

You’re either moving closer to your dreams or further away and this comes down to your value of time and how you use it.

Alpha Dave

​​​​​​​