Why Our Future Self is Weak and How to Make it STRONG

Our present day self is strong but future self is weak!

This is often the case when it comes to sticking to our goals and commitments.

Let me explain…

When we set ourselves a goal, in that very moment we are almost certain that nothing will knock us off course.

We are adamant that we will follow through and that we will stick to the plan.

Whether that goal is increasing sales, getting booked for speaking, writing a book, getting in shape…The list goes on.

In our present day moment we are strong…

But often our future self is weak.

We can give in, we lose focus, we get tired, we lose motivation…It’s human nature.

This is why we need boundaries or what I like to call “Red Lines”.

Lines that we do not cross and minimum standards of action we WILL follow through on 85-90% of the time…

…Regardless of our thoughts, feelings or emotions.

Without these in place we have no real accountability strategy or warning signs to let us know we are drifting off course.

So do your future self a favour and get in place your red lines around:

Business
Health
Family
Personal development
Down time

If you are a HIGH performing Man and want to up level your income, results and fulfilment…Then I have something for you…

The 3 Powerful Shifts Every High Performing Business Man Needs to Know If He Wants to up Level Himself, His Business and His Life.

On Tuesday 15th September I’m going to guide a small group of ambitious men through a 60 min online session.

The purpose of this session is to create 3 powerful mindset shifts to help each attendee move forward and “unlock their fullest potential” in themselves, in their business and in their life!

Most business leaders desire to create an incredible life for themselves by using their business as a vehicle to do so. Whether that is using their business to create more money, more freedom or more fulfilment…

…However most are holding themselves back from achieving all they are fully capable of whether that be consciously or unconsciously.

This is often due to things such as self doubt, challenges around self worth, lack of time or other barriers, And because of this they stay in a cycle of never truly reaching the level of success they know they are capable of whilst continuing to feel stressed, overwhelmed and often stuck.

Often the only immediate solution is to work harder and work longer hours, but this takes its toll on relationships, family, health and mental wellbeing.

During this unique session, David will share with you 3 proven systems ANY high level business Man can use to quickly shift up his life, get on track and create a life that excites and energises him, regardless of what he has tried in the past.

You will leave the session with 3 powerful strategies to move you and your life forward.

David will also show you his ‘C4 Method’ that his coaching clients are using right now to make more money, get in great shape, increase mental focus and have more time freedom to be with family…ANY Man can add this into his life for dramatic results in less than 30 minutes per day.

THIS EVENT IS FOR YOU IF:-

– You have your own business and are looking to increase the level of success, income and fulfilment.

– You currently feel a little deflated, flat and unsure of what’s the next big move for you where that be in Business or life.

– You find yourself continually putting business and your customers first to the detriment of yourself, your own wellbeing and your family.

– You lack time, you have the resources to up level what you do, but more time is what’s missing.

Register for tickets ASAP to avoid missing out by clicking HERE

David

Are You Making Business Too HARD For Yourself?

Are you making building a business or creating a successful life too HARD for yourself?

Do you often find yourself procrastinating on your daily tasks and to-do-lists?

Do you find yourself continuing to “put off” those tasks that seem hard or those actions that would have you feeling more uncomfortable if you did them?

Are you telling yourself that building a business is “hard” work and that it’s going to take years before you see any real return?

Have you said to yourself, “I need to get out of my comfort zone more, I’m NOT doing enough or pushing myself enough”?

If you have ever said any of those things to yourself I am hear to say, you are potentially setting yourself up to FAIL!

The motivational mantras and success gurus out there tell us that we NEED to get out of our comfort zone to create success and that life begins outside of the comfort zone…

This is total horse SH*T.

 

The problem is that we mix these worn out success lines and phrases into our already fagaile, negative self talking mindset.

On average 80% of the thoughts we have as humans are negative.

So pile into that more phrases and thoughts that make us feel like we aren’t good enough, that what we are doing isn’t enough and that we have to not feel fear anymore to create success, is just making the situation worse.

On a daily basis, people are getting up and telling themselves that they aren’t good enough, or that they are lazy, unmotivated, that they aren’t working hard enough…

These leads down a road of constant procrastination.

Then to top it off, at the end of the day they feel guilty because they haven’t worked on their business, done their to-do-list and instead have spent the day scrolling the internet instead of building a business…

Then the fear kicks in and the negative self talks starts again.

This cycle is breaking more business ambitions globally than the COVID-19 pandemic EVER will.

 

What’s going on?

 

What’s going on here is you believe you need to be a outside of your comfort zone to create success…

But you have an ‘inner competing commitment’ inside of you that it telling you not too.

The example I give is;

You want to cross the road, you are standing on one side and you can see that when you cross the road and reach the other side that all the success you want is over there waiting for you. You know that’s exactly where you want to be.

So you go to cross the road because all your motivation and inner desire is there in you, But as you step off the curb you stop and you notice all the cars, vans and traffic that is flying up and down the road.

You hesitate because you start to feel fear, How can you cross this road safely now?

Your fear is your inner competing commitment because it’s keeping you safe, but now you feel guilty and like a failure because you can’t overcome that fear and move.

You start to question your entire personality and everything you think about yourself. Before you know it you’ve worn yourself down with added stress, anxiety and crippling self doubts.

Now you think success is only for the brave, those who don’t feel fear and that you aren’t enough, so what’s the point. Fear has won!

You end up sitting on that curb frozen or turn around and go back to what you know, flight.

When in actual fact the answer was there all along and what you didn’t realise was that you don’t need to try and rush across the road and be brave.

You need to take a step back and take a break. Accepting that you want to get to the other side but you don’t need to risk yourself to get there.

By taking a step back and looking around you notice there’s a footbridge that crosses the road to your left. You can take the foot bridge and safely cross the road WITHOUT getting massively out of your comfort zone. That footbridge (alternative route) was there along, but because you weren’t lifting your head up you didn’t see it.

 

You can create success by “moving” in your comfort zone.

 

See the powerful word here is MOVE!

We create success by doing, by taking action, by moving.

If you move inside your comfort zone, complete actions that you feel comfortable doing and that still align to building your business, then you WIN.

When we feel fear we often freeze, we procrastinate and we put off the doing part. Then we do something that makes us feel relaxed or brings the stress levels down…But what we didn’t do was move positively.

If we move inside our comfort zone and we take consistent action then this creates success far quicker, easier and in a much more fluid way.

Building a business, getting in shape, speaking on stage, putting yourself out to the world, posting on social media, running a marathon…These aren’t easy and they all come with a level of commitment and self discipline required.

However we don’t need to slap the “It’s hard” label onto them.

If I’m not a runner and I want to train for a Marathon, I don’t tell myself that today on my first day of training that I need to run hard and I have to run 26 miles…That would be madness right?

I just tell myself I can go out and run 1 mile today. One mile is in my comfort zone because I know I can run or at the very least walk 1 mile. But when I run that 1 mile today I grow in confidence because I completed it.

This gives me momentum to run 1.5 miles next time.

We can choose to approach ANY goal we have and do it with more ease and enjoyment, it’s a state of mind, it’s about finding our footbridge and taking that one step at a time.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

David

Why don’t we show up in the WORLD?

During lockdown I have done some soul searching, I guess the time away from the busyness, hustle and chaos of a modern, self created life has gave me much needed space for reflection.

I say soul searching because I felt I needed to reconnect with my WHY.

I don’t mean a superficial ‘why’ that gets branded around by some marketers, I mean my REAL purpose and philosophy behind why I do what I do, why I live the way I live, what defines me as a Man, my beliefs and values.

Have you ever experienced any of the following:

  • You’re struggling to clearly define your purpose or have a deeper connection to what you want to do with your life, business or future?

 

  • Maybe know your purpose but get easily lost and distracted by others and what other people of influence say. You find yourself chasing other leaders but you never catch up, continually feeling unfulfilled or feeling not enough. Eventually you look back and feel like you’ve lost a sense of you and your direction?

 

  • Maybe you’re struggling to get to your goals because you’re dealing with so much stress, mental chaos, challenges at home and you spend most days firefighting.

 

  • Or maybe you just can’t make traction with what you’re doing, everything feels like a hard slog and you’re getting burned out on your current path.

 

I have lived all of those at various times.

If you do struggle or feel challenged around the above, I’m going to show you how to move from this!

The reason I wanted to connect more deeply into my philosophy now was I felt I was continuing to look outside of myself, look at what everyone else was doing and I had started to copy, follow and become distracted by them (not their intention) but I was lacking my own intention.

So my Marketing Message didn’t feel congruent, my programs/services weren’t fully complete and other things felt a little disjointed.

So I went back to the basics, WHY I wanted to become a coach in the first place.

I reconnected with this message:

“I want to coach Men to show up in the world as the very best version of themselves”

What does this even mean?

I spent years of my childhood and youth hiding, been quiet and shy, feeling like I couldn’t stand up and be who I was. This seeped into my early business years and I felt like I had to wear a mask (a metaphorical one) this was so I could play a role that made me look more confidence, strong, in control…In reality I had no idea who I was.

For many years I wasn’t able to connect with my authentic self, to be able to accept myself for who I am, and then in return show up as myself. This often resulted in me feeling lost, unsure and unfulfilled with most of the choices I made in business and life.

I find so many Men struggle with self acceptance and self worth.

Worrying about what other people think of them, worrying about judgement, fear, failure, criticism and worst of all, they never feel enough.

So often these Men actually pull themselves down with negative self talk and the continuous cycle of self defeating thoughts.

One of the most powerful things I personally worked on was increasing my Self Worth. This is something that is vastly underrated in my opinion.

Now I coach Men to lean into who they are and this enables them to show up in the world as the most impactful and influential selves.

They start showing up in the Core 4 areas of life (Body, Mind, Home and Business) and this results in them creating MORE Fulfilment, Fun, Freedom and Financial Success.

This differs from client to client, but ultimately they desire a certain amount of Fulfillment, Fun, Freedom and Financial success and this aligns with their biggest over arching goal, So I work with them to achieve what thye desire most.

BUT, for this to EVEN happen they have to start ‘Showing Up’

I connect with this because that’s the transformation I went through and that’s why I share and aim to inspire other men through coaching conversations to do similar on their journey.

 

The second part of my philosophy is:

“As the very best version of themselves”

To achieve or create more in life we don’t have to be more than we are, but we do have to show up as all that we are.

So coaching Men to step into being all they are capable of is the intention because in that space there is very little they can’t do.

Take a moment and recall a time when you were on fire, when you were in that state of “flow”, How did you feel? What were you doing? What did you accomplish, create?

That state is self created and in that state you are in your potential and able to create magic!

So my coaching helps Men get into that place DAILY.

Most of the time we are fire fighting, dealing with mental chaos, dealing with high stress, anxiety, we are feeling overwhelmed and then on top of that we can struggle with fatigue, burn out, arguments and challenges at home and this just loads on top of us.

How the hell does someone in that place create a life they love to live on purpose?

They don’t!

But they can when they show up as all that they are,

They better manage or remove stress, remove anxiety, increase mental clarity, focus, increase energy, productivity and they re-gain control.

When you are HERE in that space, that’s when dreams are created, purpose is discovered and lives are transformed.

So for you,

What parts of your life are you NOT showing up in?

What results are you experiencing right now because you aren’t showing up?

What would change if you started showing up as the best version of you?

Sharing this message is what lights me up,

So thank you for reading it

David

PS:

If what I’m saying is resonating with you, then I’m personally inviting you to have a conversation with me, around your goals and what you want to create or what challenge you want to move past in your world, click the link to find out how – https://davidwilkinsonperformance.com/work-with-me/

Overcoming ANY Self Doubts, Fears and Judgements

Self doubt, fear of failure and worrying about judgement from others is the real bermuda triangle that once most people enter too deeply, they rarely come out the other side!

Any of those has the ability to cripple our dreams, ambitions or inspiration in a heartbeat.

The amount of conversations I have with Men about why they are struggling to reach their goals or what’s potentially stopping them even starting, is often because they feel challenged by one of more of the below:

1) Self doubt and feeling they lack confidence in themselves, lacking in their self worth and question whether they are enough or good enough.

2) Fear of failure and looking like a failure to others, what will people think or say?

3) And lastly they worry about judgement or criticism from others such as; Partners, family, friends, peers, social media followers etc, What will people think or say if I do this?

 

Have you ever said or felt anything similar to the above?

 

If you have, here’s the big dilemma…

 

You’re probably in a conflict with yourself.

 

Conflict between showing up in the world more impactfully to follow and create your life’s dreams…

And struggling with one or more of the limiting beliefs you have created around why you CAN’T do that.

So you end up feeling STUCK between these two places and unable to move!

 

I know this feeling all to well.

In 2018 after I qualified as a professional coach, I had the ambition, I had the qualifications and I had a powerful message I wanted to share with the world, But I was in conflict with my own self doubt and fear.

 

I would repeatedly say to myself;

“Who the hell am I to coach other people on areas such as life and business, what do I know?”

“Who will listen to me anyway, I’m too young”.

“What will people think about me doing this, they’re probably going to laugh about me behind my back?”

These words going over and over in my head constantly causing me to procrastinate, feel stuck and then become increasing frustrated because I wasn’t moving forward.

 

So what’s the solution?

 

Well in all honesty there isn’t a short cut. There’s no, do X,Y and Z and heypresto you’re fixed,

But…

YOU can start creating awareness around your OWN thoughts and limiting beliefs.

 

When I’m coaching my clients they are able to breakthrough their mental barriers because of impactful and powerful coaching conversations.

The reason this works is because I listen to them, listen to what they’re really saying and I help them gain perspective on the situation via powerful questioning.

If you scroll back up slightly and re-read the thoughts I had in my head as to “why” I couldn’t build a coaching business, you’ll notice that I am asking myself questions.

The problem is the type of questions I’m asking myself are poor quality and because I keep asking these same “types” of questions I continue to get the same self defeating answers,

And this is what happens to all of us.

 

We continue to ask ourselves poor quality, self defeating questions and we get the same response, resulting in us staying STUCK.

 

If you struggle with self defeating thoughts, self doubt, limiting beliefs or fears then one way to get beyond this is to create the space to listen to what you are saying and asking yourself.

Writing it down is very important.

Then gain some perspective on WHY you think this way, is there any truth to what you are saying?

The minute we get the thoughts out of our head is when we can actually gain perspective on them and in many ways, challenge them.

 

THEN…You can ask yourself world class questions such as:

  • Who am I if I’m being everything I am fully capable of being?
  • Why did I start this, what is my true intention?
  • Given the situation (fear, doubt) what am I going to create?

 

These are just a starting point to start you on a path of reframing the questions you ask yourself.

 

My bigger purpose is to help men show up in the world as the very best version of themselves…

 

And for me to live out that, I had to start showing up for myself. This started by challenging my self defeating thoughts and ideas I had about myself and got factual perspective on everything with the help of a coach.

 

If you are stuck right now or disheartened in your pursuit of success and it’s down to the thoughts and ideas you tell yourself, Then start with the above questions or message me direct for deeper support.

Thank you for reading

David

 

PS:

If you have a go at asking yourself those questions, let me know how you get on with them, I’d love to know.

Her Words; “I didn’t sign up for this, David”

“I didn’t sign up for this, David”

Her words punching me in the gut as she packed her bags.

For 6 straight years my schedule was crazy.

I was working 14hr days.

I’d jump from client to client … to even MORE clients.

And with what “free time” I did have was spent putting out fires and dealing with staff issues.

I was going balls to the wall. No excuses.

Every single day I invested all my TIME, ENERGY and EFFORT into building a successful business.

Don’t get me wrong, I was generating serious money.

And it was nice to look in my bank account and see all those zeros.

But do you know what?

I was exhausted.

I don’t just mean a bit tired, or in need of a lie in on a Sunday and I was good to go again.

I’m talking:

 Sacrificing friends, family time and even my mental health for the sake of the business.

 Working 16-hour days, 7-day weeks, and giving up on the idea of holidays for a few years

 Trying my hardest to quiet the negative inner voices, eliminate all self doubt, and showing up motivated, even when all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.

 Removing my emotions, keeping on ploughing forward and essentially “manning up” the whole time.

On the surface, I looked content, happy and in control.

But deep down, the chaos inside my head, and the stress and frustration… it was ruining me.

I was being crushed by business-induced panic attacks,

I couldn’t sleep on a night due to heart palpitations, worrying about staff, marketing, business operations and everything else I had going on.

I remember one morning my alarm piercing my ears and shocking the life out of me at 0430am.

I just lay there completely paralyzed and couldn’t get out of bed. I said to myself “is this it?”

Man, I felt lost. I was completely burned out. I felt completely disconnected from everything.

My girlfriend couldn’t stand who I’d become.

Her words… “I didn’t sign up for this, David.”

But I’d try and provide rationale for my actions:

“Next year will be different”

“If I can just get a few more clients, everything will be ok”

And I’d do what 99% of every other businessmen do…

Try and justify it to my partner by saying “I’m doing this for us.”

But guess what she wanted?

Me.

Yes me, not the fancy bag, the fancy house or the nice cars.

She wanted the guy she fell in love with all those years back!

Not the David who was glued to his phone at 10pm every night.

Thing is, earning more money in business is almost too appealing to pass up…

So it’s a bit of a dilemma to get balance in your life, right?

Well, maybe not.

 

Let me explain.

 

What if you WERE able to break free of the ball and chain of business and unlock the power in your business, marriage and health like you’ve never had before?

If you could do that, then you’d be able to:

 Break free of self limiting, sabotaging behaviour patterns and be able to stay calm amongst the chaos of business and life.

 Win back 5, 10, even 20+ hours per week, giving you the kind of business (and lifestyle) you’ve always dreamed of.

 Drastically reduce stress and overwhelm (you’ll be kicking yourself when you see how simple this step can be).

 Create certainty and confidence in business, free up more time and energy to reach more people, serve more customers and finally “make the impact you’ve dreamed of making”

 

Which could sound too good to be true.

 

But it’s not.

 

And it took me until 2019 where I was at a business seminar and the guy’s story resonated so powerfully with me that it completely changed me in an instant.

Which allowed me to overcome my own self-doubt and fears to ultimately build the business and life I’d always wanted.

It’s actually what I want to share with you in a free online masterclass for ambitious business owners.

In the class, I’ll be revealing some of my most powerful tactics, strategies and systems.

But it’s not just me that uses these systems…

I’ve helped hundreds of other business owners use them too.

And now they’re scaling their income while working less
and breaking through every plateau in their business, marriage and life without being a slave to their business.

Better yet, they’re doing it using something called the “C4 Method” (that I’ll share with you) which arms them with systems to get a handle on their feelings and emotions, and finally crush any self-doubt, while unleashing unstoppable motivation that never runs out.

All while creating stability for their families

 

Would that interest you?

If it would, make sure you register for the free online masterclass for ambitious business owners on Tuesday 12th May @ 8pm.

 

You’ll discover how to do everything I’ve talked about here, and more.

 

Just click the HERE to register and I’ll see you there

 

EVEN When She Packed Her Bags I Couldn’t See it…

Every morning for 6 years straight I got up at 4:45am so I could get ready to start work at my gym for 6am.

During the same period, every evening for 6 years straight I got home at 9:30pm from my gym…

I was Exhausted!

I was personal training AND running my gym at the time.

To get through this slog I “told myself” I was happy to do it.

Spinning lines in my head like:

“I’m making sacrifices to build my business”
“It won’t always be like this, next year will be different”.
“You’ve got to work hard to build a business”.

Of cause there’s a required level of sacrifice, hard work and commitment to create anything of value.
Because working 4 hours a week, whilst lying on a beach sipping Cocktails, making big bank sounds like a lovely story…

If only it were that easy.

.
I remember all too well the moment my girlfriend got up and told me she was leaving me.

What a kick in the face that was.

See in my mind I was focused on…

I’m working this hard for us, I want to provide for our future, give us the life we want.

The house, the car, the holidays, the weekends away…The stuff.

So I worked ‘balls to the wall’ year on year grafting working 12-14 hour days, using my weekends to recover, only to go back to the grind come Monday and do it all over again.

Guess what she wanted?

Me (as surprising as that is), quality time with me, time i’m not spent on my phone answering enquiries or responding to emails and FB messages at 10pm at night.

Time with me where I wasn’t a tired, moody miserable bastard.

I had become so obsessed with business, success and chasing a dream…

That I ended up sacrificing my relationship, friendships, freedom and mental sanity.

I can look back on that time and be objective about it, but back then I thought what I was doing was right, even when my girlfriend was packing her bags to leave.

.

I guess we don’t know another way…Until we do!

.

If this is you, I empathise, I get it.

The focus is probably on creating the life you want, making £££ to provide for yourself and family and doing this whilst you do work you love,

But in the process are you driving a wedge between YOU and the very people you are suppose to be doing it for?AND it’s probably costing you sleepless nights, anxiety and a chaotic overwhelmed mind.
Probably to top it off, you’ll not be making the money you want for the sacrifices you are making.

.
If you are looking for a “quick fix” solution because you have a similar challenge to what I had…
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the guru’s are wrong, There isn’t one.
There’s no easy 4 steps to fix it and turn it around so by next month life is good.

.

BUT …

.

There is a way ANYONE who is struggling and feels stuck in their business can “start” to break free…

If they are willing to work smart, create more self awareness and put the correct strategies in place over time, will a little help can become…Unstuck…
And I’m going to share with you how to START that process!
Tuesday 12th May at 8pm I am going to running a LIVE online…

Discover the C4 Method:

For Male Business Owners Who Feel Stuck, Still Busting Their Arse But Want to Unlock More MoneyTime and Freedom And Can Finally Access Certainty in Business

…All while working less and living more.

You can register you place HERE

 

OR alternatively you can continue to bury your head in the sand…
Keep working 12 hour days whilst giving away a little bit of your soul and mental sanity every day…

And keep pushing your love ones away,

 

The choice is yours!

 

David

PS –

I finally found the courage to change and implement the right systems and strategies and eventually me and my girlfriend got back together…

I’m actually marrying her on the 26th August this year. On top of that I now run a business I love, that no longer owns me and I can make good, reliable money from it.

Here’s that link again to the webinar if you want in:

https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_z_0VCChxT6e6LnA3Jr20Qw

How Your Mindset Can Run Your Business

I’m a massive advocate of journaling, and in recent years ‘this’ activity has had some positive press around it. For those who don’t really get ‘journaling’, it’s not necessarily keeping a diary of your day, although that info sometimes goes in. It’s more a process of writing down your current thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas and self questioning your perceptions about yourself, actions, life and dreams.

What I want to hone in on in this post is the act of…Self Questioning.

Now I don’t care who you are, how successful you are, what you’ve achieved in life, we all suffer with negative thoughts and stories. These are often a series of negative thoughts we have flowing through our mind on a regular basis.

The problem MOST people have is they NEVER challenge their thoughts and stories. They just leave them to run wild in their mind and because of this often stay stuck in an area (or areas) of life. This is because they continue to listen and believe the thought and this controls the actions taken and ultimately the outcome they get.

Simple things like: “I’m stupid”, “I can’t do that”, “I should be more successful by now”, “I’m fat”, “Who will listen to me”, “I’m too old, I’m too young”, “I could never do that”, “I’m just not wired that way”, “I’ve always been the type of person who…”.

You get the idea.

I was doing my own journaling on Friday and the thought that came to my mind was…“I should have more clients by now”.

I became conscious of this thought and for a few minutes it controlled my focus. I started to think “Yeah I should have more clients now, why don’t I?” “What am I doing wrong, am I not good enough, am I not doing enough?”

These self petetuaing thoughts running through my mind, if these were left unchecked then I would start to either react to them and I believe them, OR they would over time erode my self confidence, which I know all too well from my childhood.

In the past thoughts like this have been left unchecked and I would get all stressed and anxious. I would start to feel fear and start to panic in my business. This has often led me to make mistakes in many ways from doing poor reactive marketing, taking on poor clients or just staying anxious and overwhelmed.

Think about the current story you have been telling yourself;

What is it?

What do you say to yourself, what are you believing about yourself?

With this thought or story, how is it affecting you?

Is it keeping you stuck in procrastination? keeping you stressed and anxious? Do you feel low on self belief and thus stay where you are? Does it make you reactive and fall into a victim mindset? Without knowing your negative story, I guarantee that it’s affecting you.

The key is to hear that story and then do something about it. This is where the POWER of self awareness comes in and self awareness is a learned skill that you continue to improve.

Due to the coaching, therapy and work I have put into myself over the years I had enough self awareness to CHALLENGE THE THOUGHT!

I said to myself: “F**K YOU”. I wrote it down, and then I simply went to work on it.

Now, here’s what some coaches do, they tell you to replace that negative thought with a positive one, an overriding affirmation.

All this does is starts to bog your mind down and overload it with thoughts, now your mind has more thoughts and in time goes between which one it should believe the most and too often this depends on the mood you are in. In all honesty it’s very difficult to replace one negative story with a positive one…WITHOUT challenging the negative thought to begin with. It’s the same as having weak housing foundations that are made out of rotting wood and instead of ripping them out and starting fresh, you just lay concrete over the top and hope that it will hold when you build your new 3 story house.

It won’t and our thoughts are the same.

I believe that in 2020 we will see a MAJOR trend where business leaders will focus on growing their mindset, become more self aware and learn to recognise and evolve their emotional intelligence as a prerequisite for success in the modern age of business.

Here’s why: Because the life we live, the success we have and how we see and rate ourselves, is ONLY a direct reflection on how we see the world, our OWN perspective, values and experiences, And for as long as we see it via our current perspective we WILL continue to experience the same results. In short, having the same mindset in 2020 will give you the same results or worse as it did in 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016 etc etc.

So if you want to unlock the potential within yourself and have that align to your business, then unlocking and cultivating your mindset is critical.

Read all the books you want, attend all the courses you desire, listen to all the podcasts that are out there, these are great…But they don’t help you do the most critical thing…Challenge your current module of thinking and this is where you can truly create a mindset that’s bullet proof for success. Because this is where we must do THE WORK and start cultivating our mind.

On Friday I sat down and asked myself if the thought I was having “I should have more clients by now“. Then I asked myself, “Is this true?” and I used my 3 step system (see below) to help me do this. This is also a system I use with my Performance Coaching Clients to help them overcome the stories that hold them back from being the best they can be.

Here’s a simple system that works, but only when you put the work into it.

1) What is the truth? Write the thought or story down and ask yourself is this even true?

Is there any evidence to suggest that it is? Is so, what evidence is there? If not then there is No truth in the story and you have created an expectation for yourself that doesn’t align with you, your goals or your why. The thought is just a thought and nothing more.

Then ask yourself, What is the actual truth?

In my case the truth was, I have the clients I have created because of the work I have put into creating them. If I want more clients then I need to either; keep doing what I’m doing, do more client attraction and also understand that doing thing consistently over time creates results. Remember time is time and the more time you put into something, the better the long term results. The quick fix, instant gratification model the world uses right now is total unfulfilling and mentally damaging BS.

2) Given the situation what do I want to create? So the situation is I would love more clients, so what can I do to create more clients? I write down solutions, options and ideas. Ask yourself the same question to your situation.

Create a list of possible solutions, NONE of which you have to do just yet, just be creative and think outside of your story and then pick one and DO IT. Ask yourself the question: Given the situation what do I want to create?

3) Create an agreement not an expectation. Move away from expectations and what you expect of yourself and others because you will always be left feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied. Why?

Because people (or you) either don’t reach your expectations or they (or you do) and you expected that anyway…So either way you feel dissatisfied.

Instead create an agreement and accountability, something or someone to keep accountable to. This creates something you hold yourself to based upon the TRUTH of the situation and the outcomes you have set yourself. Accountability is often the missing piece for business leaders because they have NO one to keep them accountable to their growth, actions and decisions, who right now keeps you accountable to doing what you said you would do?

For me it’s a case of, I’m going to consistently do 3 things every month for 3 months to create 3 new clients. And I will be held accountable by X to do this.

For anyone who is reading this who wants to unlock their truest potential in 2020 and beyond, the key is to work past THAT story or thought you have running through your head. That one that’s keeping you where you are right now.

The reality is you can’t ignore it and hope it goes away. You can’t replace it with a positive affirmation and hope that it goes it just goes away…

BUT you can challenge it and realise that thoughts are just thoughts and they have NO power, control or hold over you…It’s you and I that put emotion and power into our thoughts. It’s us that allows them to control us. It’s like standing at the side of the road and each car passing is a thought, we can either let the cars drive by and pay them no attention, or we can latch into one specific type where we focus and obsess about it.

A thought is just a thought and it’s us that allows them to dictate our beliefs and actions. It’s us that allows us to become emotionally invested around them. If you have a challenging thought and are struggling to let it pass you by, then write it down and start challenging your assumptions around it. Get clarity and then use my 3 step system about to create outcomes and actions that MOVE YOU pass it.

This is some of the work I have done myself on a regular basis and the work I support my clients to do because without it we continue to stay frustrated and stuck in our situation and there’s nothing worse than knowing you have the potential to achieve more in life and with yourself, but you can’t seem to get out of your own way.

This is why the performance coaching work I do with my clients has so much transformational benefit and is supporting my clients to create the life and business they desire most. On top of that it’s the accountability for you to follow through on your actions, because who right now is holding you accountable?

If you would like to know more about how we could work together and have an informal conversation, message me direct or email me at: wilkinsondj@hotmail.co.uk

Have an amazing 2020

David

Stressed and Burned Out, Here’s WHY I Work With Men.

Have you ever been in that place, mentally, physically or emotionally?

That Stressed out or mentally and physically burned out place?

Maybe you’re in a struggle right now with both of these.

I speak to so many guys at business events or online who tell me they’re struggling right now and don’t know what to do, so they just keep trying to plow on, head down and ‘Get On With It’.

Or they have been broken and have started to put themselves back together again.

To be fair you could also be in a place of feeling stressed out, lost and overwhelmed but you’re not on your knees…But perhaps you’re just struggling with clarity, direction, energy or confidence because of it.

The issue I’m bringing up here is that at some point in time we are all going through, will go through it it or have gone through stressed, burn out, anxiety and maybe even depression.

I’ve been there myself.

I’ve been so stressed out I was lashing out. Taking my anger and frustration out on my fiancee.

I was in that place where all I wanted to do was discover what the hell I was doing and where I was going with my life…Sounds so simple right?

Probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do because I was looking in all the wrong places. It’s almost like you can see the signs, the lack of sleep, the anxiety, the stress, the anger, the frustration, the delusion…BUT it’s hard to pull yourself out of it.

I was always thinking that “When I get this, or make this much money, or get here in business…Everything else will take care of it’s self”

How WRONG I WAS.

It just didn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t figure it out.

And because of this, everything else I looked at in my life wasn’t up to standard…My own perspective on the situation.

I would look at other parts of my life and recent them. I even resented the success of my fiance whose career was taking off whilst I was stuck.

I was becoming bitter under the surface whilst smiling on the outside.

And you know what?

I look back now and I’m like, who the hell was that guy?

I can say I have come out the other side of this, but it was no miracle cure. It wasn’t like I read one book or took one course and BOOM my life transformed.

I did 2 years of solid soul searching and self-discovery.

I did 2 years of serious self-development.

I did 2 years of getting to know me, all my insecurities, self doubts, fears, judgements, emotions, self awareness…As well as all the things in my life that are great, my success, my achievements, what makes me happy.

I just worked on me.

Now I don’t think it takes that for everyone, some people it can take a few months, some people a life time and I guess everyone else in the middle.

This is why YOUR Journey is your journey and no one else can say…

HERE, I can fix you in 5 steps.

I always smell BS, and I bet you do too!

What it does take to start is awareness of the problem, or awareness that you even have a challenge.

Being aware that you are stressed, struggling and maybe even burned out.

After awareness, it’s clarity.

This is why I put my Man-Unleashed together in the first place.

I wanted to create a place, a program and a coaching environment where men could go and develop who we are, in a non judgemental space.

I know what it’s like, I struggled to be open and honest round others. We see it as a sign of weakness, right?

However, it’s actually a sign of strength. To say you are struggling, to be honest and open and ask for a little help…IS STRONG.

To be your true and authentic self and put that person in life…IS STRENGTH.

So I’ve created a program that can enable men to be open about their struggles, get clear on who they want to become and then map out a way of getting there…

WHILST being their true selves.

I work with men because I have been ‘that’ guy, the guy who on the outside looks like he had it together but on the inside was crumbling.

I got myself together, and I’m still working on who I am…I eventually found my voice and the self confidence to put it out there, so helping other guys to do the same.

WHY?

So these men can show up to each part of their life and live life as the very best version of themselves. Be the best farther, husband, friend, manager, boss, colleague, leader they can be.

David

PS: If you are a man who has read this and it resonates with you and you yourself are feeling challenged in life and not where you want to be, Message me at wilkinsondj@hotmail.co.uk . 

Are You Being Your BEST, TRUE Self?

In life can you honestly say you are being your best, true self? By this I mean are you being honest with who you are, confident to live as you, And always be yourself no matter the situation?

Do you have the confidence to be yourself and present that to the outside world?

At school and college I was always shy and really lacked the confidence to be myself, share my truth or put myself out there. Looking back I feared rejection so I kept myself down, hid away and didn’t share my real self unless it was with people I trusted.

This got me thinking, How many people other people are hiding themselves away or diming their light because they lack the confidence to ‘just’ be themselves at work, in business, socially, or even at home?

Or they adjust their personality to suit various situations or people? I’ve done this as well. Shown different sides of myself to certain people so they might accept me.

The reality is you can and should always be your True, Real and Authentic self and by doing so you’ll always bring the BEST version of yourself to each part of your life.

If people are unable or unwilling to accept the true you, well then I’d say **** them. Be YOU and find those people who accept you for who you are.

However the POWER in my opinion is you have to accept YOURSELF first. Hiding your true self away will only cause you pain and keep your light dim.

So how do you gain the confidence to be yourself, put yourself out there and be the best version of yourself? 

1) Accept who you currently are.

Learn who you are, what you are about and your values as a person. Discover yourself both your good and bad sides (we all have them).

Then accept yourself. Self acceptance goes a hell of a long way in boosting self belief and understanding your true value. Sure you’ll have to accept the ‘not so good’ parts of you, but if those parts hinder you…Then look at No.2.

2) Change, Adapt or Advance what doesn’t fit for you. 

If there’s a part of your personality that doesn’t fit your life and causes you pain…Work on changing it. Don’t be a arse **** and just accept it.

Adjusting our behaviour/s is essentially what we must do to develop as people. So it’s just a case of changing negative, damaging, disempowering behaviours with more positives ones. I won’t BS, this is tough, however over time with the right support, you can do this.

3) Know your worth

Know your true worth and value in all parts of life. Know what you bring to the world and honor that. Honor your gifts, personality, value and shine your light on the world around you.

4) Practise.

It sounds simple but just practise being you. Go to places and groups where you don’t know anyone and be you. Put yourself out there without fear of judgement or the need to be accepted. Then once you have confidence here, be you with those closest to you, those people can often be the toughest for us to be ourselves around.

5) Focus on something else. 

When you feel the fear of being your true self, or putting yourself out there, focus on something else. Be interested in other people, ask them questions and focus on getting to know them.

Direct your attention somewhere else and be curious of others and that will help you relax.

6) Repeat all the above and keep pushing to be you.

It’s not easy and it may take you a long time, but it’s worth it because the alternative is always you keeping you down, hiden, trapped and not valuing yourself…

Probably the worst thing you can do to yourself mentally is not valuing who you REALLY are.

 

David

PS: I’ll be launching a series of MasterMind coaching events soon just for guys. 

Focusing on helping men to level up their mind and body to reach their truest potential.

The best way to think of your potential in my opinion is;

“You know that you are capable of doing and being much more in this world…But right now you feel like you’re being held back or not confident to go ahead and become that person. Your potential and all you are capable of is being subdued”. 

My one day events will help you lay the foundations to overcome your adversities, overcome challenges you face and step up to being all you can be.

PPS: If you’re a guy, head to the link below and get notified first about the event. PLUS get my Man-Unleashed Daily Guide to super charge your Fitness, Focus, Finance and Fulfilment. 

https://mailchi.mp/49b84add0c9a/man-unleashed

What The Hell is Personal Development

What the hell is Personal Development and why should you care?

Personal development for me is about growing and enhancing a person’s self awareness, capabilities, skills, behaviours and self confidence to uncover and unleash someone’s full potential.

It’s helping a person get past their limiting beliefs or self doubts and in truth it’s about getting MORE out of yourself so you can DO, BE and ACHIEVE all you are in any area of Life, Business, Career and Body.

In short personal development is about growing as a person in one area of life or all areas. However I believe for the BEST results its about levelling up in every area.

What I teach my clients is that their goal is off in the future, a bigger ‘thing’ they are trying to reach or accomplish. So compared to their goal they are smaller, further away and currently NOT ready to achieve it, Because if they could…They would have already.

It’s like taking on their own mountain but having to learn to climb first to reach the top.

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Knowing where you are right now is about establishing reality and current positioning, any coach that BS a client at this point isn’t helping them, they are hindering them. Knowing where you are, warts and all is essential.

So personal development is what bridges the gap between where you are right now and the goal you desire.

It’s centred around growing as a person in mind, body, skill, capabilities and confidence so you can conquer that goal. It’s you levelling up and becoming more as an individual…So now you are capable of attaining and owning your goal.

 

Without self development we wouldn’t have laid the foundations to reach our goal or hold on to it.

Any worthwhile goal is achieved this way, hence why personal development is critical.

I base my coaching around developing people and helping them get more out of themselves…More than they ever thought possible so they can set goals, increase their capabilities and then own the sh*t out of their goals.


The Process

My approach is based on 3 critical steps to show a person how to develop towards their goal/s:

  1. Clarity

  2. Confidence

  3. Performance


Clarity

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This is about gaining clarity around who you are and what you want. This for me is essential and was one area of life I was really stuck in. I just couldn’t get clear on who I was or what I wanted.

Often this is the part people miss and they design their wants by what others around them have or do. They basis their requirements off what they ‘think’ they should do or have and worse still what society or social media dems to be right.

This is making people feel more lost, isolated and frustrated than ever before.

By doing some deep self discovery work you can understand YOU, who you are and what life you want to experience everyday. In all honesty your career, business, income, home, relationships and lifestyle are behind this in order of clarity.

This part is about you and knowing what turns you on, what makes you tick and what inspires you. Everything else is there to enable this to happen.

Clarity is very difficult to achieve on your own because it requires you being asked great questions by a coach that can help you think deeper and really question yourself.


Confidence

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Another essential piece to the puzzle because a lack of self belief is the number ONE reason most people don’t achieve their goals or start in the first place.

A limiting belief, fear, doubt or insecurity is holding more people back from going after what they truly want than any other barrier.

So building self confidence, awareness and emotional intelligence is huge. A big part of my coaching is build around becoming self assured in who you are and what you are capable of. This is much more than just reciting positive talk. It’s about practising self confidence and knowing you.

Yes confidence is practised. I will have you look at any area of your life right now you feel confident and comfortable in. May be its work, or a hobbie..

Now ask yourself how long have you been doing that for? What makes you confident at it? How many hours have you put into it?

Confidence is partly about discovering yourself. Partly about doing something over and over to get better at it, and…Well you’ll have to become a client to find out the rest 🙂

Once you build self esteem you’ll be unstoppable.


Performance

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The final piece to the personal development system is performance.

Increasing your performance is essential because you can not become all you can be with the same habits, mindset, behaviours and actions you use now, Think about that.

There will be certain behaviours and habits you have right now that help you and you’ll be able to move forward with. However some are hindering you and you’ll need to ditch them or maybe you can re-shape them into better habits.

Increasing performance is all about optimising how you Think, Act, Behave, Eat, Move, Sleep and Produce to enhance you as a person. Giving you greater energy, clarity, focus, production and awareness…And reducing stress, overwhelm, fatigue, burn out and procrastination.

Once you have the clarity and the confidence, NEXT you require the high performance habits that will get you doing what you want to do every day to get you to your objectives.

I coach my clients how to enhance what they do so they can set out each day fully equipped to take it on.


What Next?

So the goal or objective you have set for yourself will become achievable once you can do the above 3 steps, Add into the mix; Strategic planning, breaking down limiting beliefs, accountability and daily action steps and you have yourself one hell of a system.

Are you frustrated because you’re struggling to gain clarity around your next career or business move?

Do you struggle with self confidence when it comes to making certain decision or actions?

Are you an ambitious person but feel lost or like you’ve reached a ceiling and not sure what to do next?

Would you like to become a more effective business owner or leader to reach a higher level of income and success?

Do you want to reduce stress and self doubt WHILST gaining balance in your Life, Body and Business for more fulfilment, value and success?

If so, then I am here to help!

If you are a corporate professional or business owner I will take you through a personally tailored program that meets your needs.

No more living or playing the game of life at an average level…It’s time to become all you can be.

I will work with you 1-1 for 3-12 months to help you get more out of yourself personally and professionally than you ever thought possible.

If you are interested in what I offer and would like to speak further, then message  at wilkinsondj@hotmail.co.uk or contact me via LinkedIn HERE