I am a Man living in Marbella Spain with my beautiful fiancée after moving here from the UK in 2020. I love beer, coffee, eating out and training Jiu-Jitsu. My profession, calling and passion in life is being a coach and showing up in the world as all that I am.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves End up Controlling us…I Finally Told Myself a Better One.
For most of my life, I have fought a battle in my mind between; Feeling unsure of who I was and a deep belief that I am capable of much more. This inner battle continued but the insecure side of me was winning.
A strong memory I have of my childhood is my stepfather saying to me:
“Little boys should be seen and not heard.”
This turned into a self-perpetuating story that I played in my head and one that quite possibly continued to created the shy, low confident lad I was. Frustrated as a child with my parents divorce at the age of 5 and not knowing the full truth behind it until into my 30’s. I blamed my Mam and Dad for being emotionally unavailable to me. I blamed my step father for putting me down and because of this I remember spending moments in my childhood and early teens screaming into my pillow or punching my bed, that pure uncontrollable frustration spilling out of me.
Now before you think I’m going to start blaming my parents for all that have been wrong in my life, I’m not. Because for the most part, Some people try and do their best buy you but they struggle with their own fears, issues and beliefs and unfortunately these often get past onto their children.
I’m not going to lie I’ve held on to these emotions for a very long time and it’s taken a lot of acceptance to move beyond these.
I remember a powerful statement Tony Robbins said;
“If we blame people for all that’s wrong with us then we should also thank them for all that’s right with us.”
So truth be told having a stepfather that told me to keep quiet and not to express myself is probably the reason I’m so driven now to share my message and coaching with others.
Having a Mam and Dad I thought were emotionally unavailable to me is one of the reasons I have worked so hard to share my truth as a man.
My low confidence as a child and as a teenager is the very reason I pull myself out of my comfort zone as much as I possibly could.
I tell you my story, so you get an understanding as to how I got here today, how I came to do what I do and why self-discovery is so important to me.
Throughout my life I’ve travelled the world, Ran one of the worlds hardest and highest marathons. I’ve built a successful career in the fitness industry. I’ve met the woman I will marry soon COVID permitting, made some lifelong friends and had some amazing experiences.
I’ve been successful, I’ve screwed up, I’ve made money, I’ve lost money, I’ve been happy and I’ve been broken. In all of my highs, lows and normal living, there’s one thing that I wasn’t fully aware of…
Who am I and what I am truly capable of?
The Lost Identity
In 2016 when we finally had enough, my fiancée and I walked away from our fitness gym, in that moment I lost a sense of which I was, what I was and where I was going. In the time that followed, I was crippled with self-doubt and felt lost. It’s like my entire identity was wrapped up in fitness. I was the fitness guy, the personal trainer it was the role I played.
See fitness was what got me out of my shell, it allowed me to express myself, be good at something and help others. But that was gone and it felt like I’d failed and failed at business.
I spent years trying to figure out my next step, which I would do next, my next calling…I got nowhere expect further into frustration, I felt even more lost and unfulfilled in life. I even created an alter-ego called Alpha Dave in a way of putting myself out in the world in a new role but that still didn’t fit right.
The Breakthrough That Changed Everything
The breakthrough came 2 years later when I focused on discovering myself, who I truly am as a person, as a man. Not my job, not my career, not an identity through work, no roles or labels…But who I am and who I am capable of being if I am my best self.
This was not an easy road. I had to get brutally honest with myself, open up about my feelings, get my anger out, I took my pain out on my fiancee, I threw myself into intense exercise as a form of therapy and reassurance. I’ve shouted, I’ve cried, I’ve opened myself up to those closest to me and had to deal with the possibility of rejection. However, through all this work I started to understand myself and believe in me again.
I have immersed myself in coaching courses, training, reading, therapy, meditation, self-reflection and a lot of sole searching. This journey of self-development and LIFE itself has led me down the road to becoming a Coach, Speaker and Trainer.
The final hurdle I had to overcome were the stories in my head. The belief that I should be seen and not heard, the story of why would people listen to me and not reject me kept me from pushing my message out the world. I broke this wall down on Tuesday, 23rd April 2019 when I did my first live talk to an audience on self-development.
I realised through asking myself better questions that all the answers I needed were in my head. I started to question my stories and realise my true potential. It’s now my mission to help others gain clarity and personal confidence in which they are and increase their performance to be all they can.
Realising and then reaching your true potential in life is what will truly fulfil you. You owe it to yourself to live a life that’s all it can be and achieve the level of fulfilment, income, success and freedom you want.
I owed it to myself to let go of my past, my stories, my alter-ego and just become the person I know I can and want to be and build the life I want to experience.
The same goes for you, and I can help you on your journey to become all you truly can be and live the life you love.
Just some of the things I have done or love to do.
Food and Drink with Helenlee.
Challenging and testing myself. (Everest Marathon, Crossfit Training, Competitions).