I have been on a journey of self-discovery and growth for over 15 years. The first book I ever read was “The Secret” which was recommended to me by my mentor, and after reading that, I was fixed on a pursuit of personal growth.
Year on year I have invested in coaching, therapy, training courses, books, podcasts, almost anything and everything to “better” myself.
The most interesting part of personal growth is how much it can lead you down a path. You unearth something about yourself, a blind spot and before you know it there is something else you are now consciously aware of. Another area, insecurity, self-doubt, fear, or limiting belief is uncovered and it’s onto how and where that might be creating a sticking point in life.
The BIGGEST area I wrestle with, at least on a weekly basis is the concept of “feeling good enough”.
Have you ever felt this?
Do you feel enough in yourself right now?
If you were being honest, have you achieved enough in your life?
Are you comfortable looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling good enough with what you see?
In my years as a coach, 15 years in the health and fitness industry, and now 3 years as a professional coach, this is by far one of the biggest challenges I see most Men and Women struggle with.
The concept of being and feeling enough…JUST AS THEY ARE!!
I hear many people say; “Yeah I’ll feel like I am enough when…”
When I’ve lost 2 stone, When I have made my first million, When I have reached the level of success, When I look and feel leaner…Then I can be enough.
But how bizzarre is this, Just think about it for a moment. We create a fantasy of some elusive time in the future when we will feel good enough, or worthy enough, or even accepted when we have “ACHIEVED” something that we believe will fill that gap in us.
It is my belief that this won’t work!
If we can’t feel enough now or that we have enough TODAY, then we won’t feel that once we have achieved what we “believe” is the missing piece. This is the illusion!
I know this because of the hundreds and hundreds of people I trained as a PT. It didn’t matter how much weight they lost, or how healthy they became, it was never enough for them.
I know this for myself because it didn’t matter how much money I made in business, how fit I was in the gym, or how healthy I looked, I never truly felt like I was good enough. I always wanted more. I always felt I could be better.
There’s also all the guys I coach now, who when I start working with them, often never feel good enough or worthy, and it doesn’t matter how much money they make, their level of status, they just don’t feel complete, happy or fulfilled when I start working with them.
If you were to ask yourself the question; “Am I enough just as I am today?”
What would you’re answer be?
…What about if we still want to accomplish more in life, business, health isn’t that a good thing?
Absolutely, having the drive and ambition for MORE in life is a human desire, and I’m not saying turn that down. Aspiring to create new success, experiences and more growth is very powerful in life.
HOWEVER – It’s not about getting more stuff to make you feel like more of a person.
Because the very notion of trying to make more money, to buy bigger homes and more cars, to create more success so you feel more liked, accepted and respected by others is INSANITY.
Look, if you feel this way I’m not trying to pull you down or you’re belief system. This is an internal battle I face. It consumes me at times, this is part of the work I do with my coach so I can continue to feel like I am enough just as I am.
There are times when this flares up, I look at myself and my body and feel fat, out of shape, crippled by my internal insecurity around how I see myself. Wishing I was leaner, wishing I was a little more muscular.
Also, the extension to this is, at times not feeling good enough as a coach, not trusting myself. Being stuck in self-doubt. If I don’t feel like I am enough, then how can I trust myself fully! These 2 areas work in conjunction with one another.
These are my blind spots that I figured out with my coach. I talk, she listens and we work on creating the awareness and insight I want to continually get better with this, to tackle it sooner when it raises its head. To feel like I am enough and that I matter just as I am. THEN as I continually grow as a person and continue to create more success, financial rewards, and fulfillment in life, it comes from the right place, not something to fill a self-worth gap.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way
What’s interesting is I have never met a client of mine who doesn’t have the drive, who doesn’t have ambition, who doesn’t have a burning desire to create more in their life…And I love this, it’s so powerful and I love coaching them towards this.
However, what is also very interesting is I haven’t coached many people where their need for more isn’t a direct link to their self-worth.
A person can NEVER be truly happy, fulfilled, and content when their self-worth is liked to their NEED to accomplish more. So this is the cycle to transform, new awareness to create, and a new sense of what is truly important to them.
As I work on this, so do my clients.
I’ll leave you with this from Ryan Holidays Book – Stillness Is The key.
What do we want more of in life? That’s the question. It’s not more accomplishments, it’s not popularity. It’s the moments when we feel like we are enough.
The more we seek is; more presence, more clarity, more insight, more truth, more stillness.